Tic Tic WOOO!

Our days are filled with "Wooo"s and screeches and a variety of other sounds.  At times, we are caught completely of guard - the sudden, loud "WOOO" can be a bit startling.  Other times, we can almost predict that it's coming.. we just aren't sure exactly which exclamation it will be.

My dear TS son is nearing his fourteenth birthday. He is just about half way through eighth grade.. My baby, half way through eighth grade.. it doesn't seem possible.
Basketball practice.. Puberty.. School stresses.. Holidays and birthday excitement.. His tics are in rare form lately.  Frequent.. and Loud..

In a new development this last week, there have been word tics.  Words that are not curse words.. but words nonetheless.. generally repeating what he has heard.. and my heart breaks for him.  My fears for what could come have been racing through my mind.

After helping out in the school cafeteria today, I stood for a little while in the middle school hallway.  I wanted to hear him for myself.. I wanted to hear what the teachers continued to describe to me..
     "almost constant"
     "very loud"
     "screeches when it's quiet"
     "can hear him through the walls.. in the hall"
I should explain here that his teachers are doing exactly what they need to be doing with respect to my tic-y child.. They continue on as if nothing out of the ordinary is going on.  They don't bring extra attention to the noises.  They have allowed for breaks from the classroom, music to help focus, extra reading time.. They are doing what they can.  His classmates have been amazing.. standing up for him with substitutes who don't seem to understand, ignoring his noises (for the most part anyway.. some just make a person giggle a bit), treating him just like everyone else.  They are doing what they can.
And, I stood there in the hallway. I stood outside of his classroom, for just a few minutes, listening to exactly what I'd been told.

I honestly was a little surprised.. There was a large part of me that wanted to believe the teachers were all exaggerating..  I don't think of his tics as "almost constant" at home.. Loud, yes. Sudden and startling in quiet moments, Yes. But "almost constant," no.. I mean.. frequent.. but not "almost constant."  He has his moments where the tics are very present, but there are also plenty of relatively calm moments also.

I probably don't notice some of his tics though because I'm so used to it.  The noises and such are just part of who my boy is..

There, of course, were also other observations..
     "different tics in different classrooms.. is that normal?"
     "we know he can't control it.. but sometimes it seems.."
*sigh*
Honesty again.. I don't always know what is a tic and what isn't.
So, I ask.  I ask, and he tells me..
And while I was standing there in the hallway, I wondered myself just how much of it was actually tics and how much of it was my son the clown getting away with extra noise.. and just thinking that, and now typing it, makes me feel like a horrible parent.
The 'nature of the beast' is that some of his tics look and sound intentional.. even though they aren't.

On the one hand, I'm so glad that he feels comfortable enough, safe enough at school to be himself.  I'm thankful that he feels secure enough to tic freely.  I'm so appreciative that he isn't worried about being made fun of.
On the other hand.. School is a place to learn, and his almost-constant heard-through-the-walls tics are making that hard on everyone.  He is missing out on instruction because he's ticing.. His classmates are missing out on instruction because his tics are so loud.. Other classes are distracted because they can also hear his tics..

And this momma's heart hurts.. and prayers are going up all day..
I pray that whatever the future holds for my son, that he knows he's an amazingly unique human being who is capable and intelligent and (most importantly) loved so very much.