Maintaining for Life

This. Is. Hard.
This is SO much harder than I ever imagined..  I have spent the last few months struggling to stay where I am.. and, I'm going to be honest, I'm not doing a very good job of it.

Ten months ago, December 10th 2013 to be exact, I began my second journey with Weight Watchers.  I had mental focus, I had a room full of support, I had tools in my hands again.. and I lost.  I lost 38 pounds.  Thirty. Eight. Pounds.  I reached my goal over the summer and achieved Lifetime status July 15th 2014.
I Did It!  I had finally accomplished the very thing that I'd convinced myself was impossible.
And suddenly I found myself in a new place on this journey.. a place where I no longer needed to put my focus on losing weight, but where I just needed to stay were I was at.. and I'm finding myself struggling.

It's a scary thing to feel lost after finally reaching a goal that had eluded me for so many years.  It's scary to get compliments on my appearance when I know my food-focus is such a mess right now.    It's scary to get on the scale and see it moving in the 'wrong' direction after so much work, so much dedication, so much effort.. It's scary to know those feelings of doubt and discouragement are trying to creep back into my head.  It's scary to realize that those bad habits and who-cares attitude keep trying to take root again..

It's scary.
And I'm stronger now.
And I'm not going to let the fear and insecurity beat me.
I am refocusing.. again.  I've recommitted several times since July.  Many Mondays have come and gone.. many mornings of focus and evenings of chaos.  And what I need to realize is that this 'struggle' is really just LIFE.  This 'struggle' doesn't have to be a struggle at all.. just me living a healthy life and making healthy choices.  And if there is anything I need to remember about the last ten months.. it's that I CAN live a healthy life and make healthy choices.

I. Can.
So, as of today, I'm finding a new focus point.
I'm going to focus on being happy and living IN the moment.
I'm going to focus on being healthy and loving my imperfect self for all of the amazing things I am able to do.
I'm going to focus on forgiving myself for failures and realizing that not every mistake means that I failed.
I'm going to focus on the positive moments.. no matter how small the positive moment may be.
I'm going to focus on being present in the now instead of rushing around and missing the little things my life is offering me.
I'm going to focus on love and laughter and joy.

I am not going to let doubt get me down.
I'm not going to let my insecurities sway my focus.
I am not going to listen to that part of me that says "you can't do this." because I know that I already did it.

I. Already. Did. It.
And I am not going back to where I was ten months ago.. I am stronger now.

November 2013                                                          May 2014