A Stranger's Smile

Dear Crossing Guard,

My children don't attend the public school. My children aren't among the many that you help safely across the highway each morning.. but I see you at your corner on my way to work. I've seen you every school morning for the past several years.

Overcast mornings..
Rainy and snowy mornings..
Sun-shiny mornings..

Blustery cold winter mornings..
Crisp autumn and spring mornings..
Steamy hint-of-summer mornings..

You are there waiting for the children to come to your corner. You greet them all with a smile before they continue on to school. You are a bright spot in their day.. I'm sure of it.
I'm sure of it because you are a bright spot in my day. I look forward to catching my own quick smile and wave from you as I pass by also.

There are mornings that we don't catch each other's eye. There are mornings that you are busy with the children.. but there are mornings that I pass by when you are waiting.. and those are the mornings we share a smile and a wave. I'm not sure you realize just how much I've come to look forward to this quick exchange in my morning. I'm not sure you realize just how much that smile and wave mean to me.

Your smile and wave lift my spirits.  On mornings that don't go as planned, mornings that are filled with grump and chaos at home, your smile and wave calm me.  On mornings that I'm feeling sluggish or melancholy, your smile and wave are like a warm hug.  On mornings where all is 'right' with life, your smile and wave brighten my morning even more. Every morning I look forward to sharing a smile and a wave with you. Every morning. Your smile and wave brighten my day.

Thank you, Crossing Guard.
Thank you for helping countless students safely across the highway each day. Thank you for offering your smile to them.. and for offering me a smile and wave as I pass.
Thank you for being a bright spot in the world.

sweet girl

i knew it right away

and still

i messed up

i should have stayed silent
should have taken a breath
should have stopped
should have taken a moment to calm myself
but the words spilled out

missed connections 

distance that i wish was not there

oh sweet girl 

close to my heart but far from my arms

those moments on repeat
going over them again and again
i know what to do
what not to do
promises made to myself
promises to you

i yearn to wrap you in my arms

sweet girl

to show you my love

to heal the hurt

you bring such joy

i wonder if you realize

just how much i treasure

laughter bubbling up and overflowing

radiance shining from your smiling eyes

warmth in your contented presence

contagious reach of your carefree spirit

but the words spilled out

you did not hear my love

only the critiques

i should have stayed silent

should have taken a breath

oh sweet girl

i messed up

and i am so sorry

again

you are precious

you are loved

you are perfectly you

you are enough

you are

Plucking Prickles

My sweet P-nut recently turned ten and has struggled for a while with finding his lost spark.. My silly and inquisitive discoverer has been filled with discouragement and doubt.. He brought me some wisdom well beyond his ten years a few mornings ago. Wisdom that has stayed with me.. and I am so very thankful he shared his insight with me.

A little back story first:
I stumbled across this quote online several moths ago. At a time with my boy was spending most of his days grumpy and easily thrown into tantrums, it was the perfect tool to help him let go of the anger and frustrations. I tucked this little nugget away.. and it wasn't long before I first made the suggestion to a very unhappy boy.
That first time I told him to stop sitting on the cactus he cracked up. The anger was gone. I can't remember the crisis of that moment, but I will always remember the look on his face as he registered what I'd said and then the giggle that spilled from him. It has lost some of that "instant fix" effect as time has passed.. and during a particularly deep moment of despair, we talked a little more about that darned cactus. I spoke with him about how his anger is a little like him holding a cactus in his hand and squeezing it tighter instead of letting go of it.. Of course that's not something most people would do.. squeeze a cactus.. It makes much more sense to let go.

Back to that insightful morning:
P-nut was getting very angry with Holy-In-A-Mood big brother. I bit my tongue hoping they'd work it out, but when it was clear that the frustration was only escalating, I called P over and suggested that he just keep some distance between them. The anger continued to bubble out of my boy.. and again, I told him to get off the cactus. When he hid around the door frame, I backed out of the room, booty stuck out, with my hand pulling a 'cactus' off.. that made him chuckle despite his grump. He left to finish getting ready for school but came back after just a few minutes. He then told me something that I will never forget.

"Mom, you know how you said it's like I squeeze the cactus in my hand.. Well.. sometimes when I let go, the prickles are still stuck in my hand."
<cue light-bulb>
I told him that the same thing happens to me.. and that is when we have to take a breath and pull those prickles out also. I thanked him for sharing that with me.. told him it was a very wise thought.. and I got a big bear-hug and an "I love you."

We're going to find his spark again.. a little more each day.. my silly and inquisitive discoverer is shining through more and more.

It shouldn't surprise me anymore that there is a reason for all things.. but it still does. I realized right away that I am guilty of letting 'prickles' continue to bother me after I've let go of my own cactus. I never realized just how many prickles I've got stuck in my hands though. When things don't work out like I think they should, when my vision of "perfect" isn't happening, I start squeezing that cactus.. and I haven't ever really taken the time to pull out those darned prickles that have been left behind. Each time "perfect" doesn't happen, I get irritated from the OLD prickles along with the NEW ones!!

Time to pull some prickles..